Monday, 26 November 2007

We’ve got a P.M. called Kevin

What an absolutely fantastic result and such a marvellous contrast to the 2004 election.

I went to a brilliant election party and was lucky to partake in much exuberant celebration. After retiring about 4.30 I woke an hour later with a headache and got up to get some water and fresh air and investigate whether the party was still going. I staggered out into the backyard, there didn’t seem to be any revellers left, and stumbled up the path to the backyard’s tippity top where you get a wonderful view of the district and a good breeze.

After much weaving and swaying I finally finished the ascent to witness the party's host jumping up and down in a gleefully triumphant dance with his two dogs.

It was a wonderful sight to behold.

I let out a whoop and a cry, lost my balance and rolled down the hill.

Friday, 23 November 2007

Vote early and vote often

If I were running in an election the first thing I would do would be to consult the stars for myself and my opponent.

John Howard is a Leo, 26 July, shares his birthday with Mickey J, George Bernard Shaw, Jonty Rhodes, and many more including Amanda’s 2nd youngest brother.

Johh Howard is jealous because I share my birthday with Donald Bradman or is it because Glenn Matlock and Willy de Ville were also born that day? I guess i'll never know for he just went tomato red and refused to talk to me. And there i was trying to bond....

Kevin Rudd is a Virgo, born 21 September, shares his birthday with Leonard Cohen, Bill Murray, Henry Gibson, Luke Wilson and Nicole Richie and loads more - perhaps even you if you're lucky, pumpkin.

Here are their stars for 24 November, which is also the birthday of sister Lucy, a Sagittarius.

LEO (July 23-Aug 22) - On November 24th a full Moon illuminates something significant around your group of friends, and the station of Uranus on the same day indicates that something unexpected and surprising happens with regard to any bank loans or tax issues.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sept 22) - . On the 24th a full Moon in your career sector brings with it some sense of completion or attainment in career matters, and the station of Uranus on this same day gives you a surprising event or development with regard to your significant other.

Johnny, Krudd, Peewee and Jules
Leo, Virgo, Leo, Leeebra
Vote, Vote on
Vote, Vote on

Hi i'm Kevin 07 and i'm Virgo
I know you're busy and I like the working fam
Take, take my hand
And vote me to victory in election land
Vote, vote on
Vote, Vote on

Tuesday, 20 November 2007

She cracked

Mirror mirror in one's hand

who's the cutest in the land?

No longer, no more and never again will one be able to make that daily enquiry of one's pocket mirror - a nice piece of glass backed with a spectacular colourised photo of Shirley Temple looking cute, natch, but also rather grumpy and matronly at age 6ish.

Shirley was involved in a melee with Ruby kiss no 5 and and Lady Jane the wide tooth comb in the confines of a make up bag after midnight no doubt for that's when all inanimate articles come to life. Ruby and Lady Jane, and let's use that broad's title loosely please, did Shirley over and whipped her glass in a most artistic and dramatic fashion.

What in the June Dally-Watkins am i going to do without my little grooming buddy. Forget your ship without your sail, it's like Mrs Everege without a hoame, Arthur Fonzarelli without a comb.

And what could it possibly foretell for Mrs Temple-Black or the Republicans.




Monday, 19 November 2007

If you wanna cruise you can cruise

Is what a dude in the lift said to me at lunch time. And no the mistress was not eyeballing him in a highly salacious fashion. He'd just told me he was having a "cruisey day" and i looked a bit sceptical so he then imparted the above maxim. I didn’t reply with an Interesting but I can’t say I agree but smiled and popped a fruit mentos in my mouth to prevent articulation of juvey riposte, all juvey outbursts are reserved for blog or email.

Eating sweets in a lift on a Monday after luncheon. How’d you be? Slightly seedy if you’d like to hazard a guess.

Carousing on a Sunday night? Traipsing down the main drag in search of an open hotel at ten. Who on earth am I? More’s the point how the f&^% old am I? Act your age not your shoe size mama indeed! Blame it on the silly season, blame it on Rio if you must (another top little film with Michael Caine) but we all know where the blame really lies, with old mr good times von dipso that is who. Ever ready to appear at the sound of a cork popping or the unscrewing of a liquor lid, pop, glugg, glugg and out he bounces brandishing that laughs and liquor banner. Cheeky little fellow.

It was fun and out of the blue. Fun’s like that.

Things I love at the moment: driving lessons, Will and Grace Season 3, Powderfinger, bios about aristos, and whiskers on kittens - well on anything but one’s visage, sugar.

Dumb things I gotta do: work (?!) for my living?! and repeat Year 9

I am feeling rather optimistic about the result of this Saturday’s election. I wonder if Antony Green has framed my pome...

Spin it out sisters

Hasn’t Edina Monsoon been busy?! And hasn't she lifted her game? So much PR about the Kidman sisters’ trials and tribulations. I just read that Nicole Kidman has announced to the media that she lost two children. Sweetheart, we all know that; They're called Connor and Isabella and you lost 'em around the time the press lost interest. Cold mountain also claims not to use botox and that her wrinkle free face is a result of not smoking and generally "looking after herself" of which she is really proud?! Oh pet – cure cancer and then you’ll have a reason for some self-satisfaction. Futhermore, don’t you know that every time the use of botox is denied a beauty therapist dies or worse, gets busted for smuggling marijuana in a boogie board bag.

Inevitably Connor or Isabella will write his/her mommy dearest. Oh the golden age of Hollywood has indeed returned: Nickers is the new Joan Crawford, Angelina currently doing a very good mamma mia farrow, oh the scandale that lies ahead, and the Minogues have been cranking out a glorious tribute to Joan and Jackie Collins for decades now - does that make Jason Donovan Tony Newley? The mistress hastens to add that she could search the whole world over and she’d never find another you, Oh Judith Durham desist from stalking my febrile mind, I mean, Dame Elizabeth Taylor or Ms Bette Davis.

Friday, 9 November 2007

The sheer delight of it all

Every glorious morning one wakes up revelling that one is one, lovely, delicious one.

That’s a quote from the foot of a harbour calendar from several office desks ago, NSRS, and it has become a mantra of self-actualisation proportions for the mistress - ever ready to be plucked from her steel trap of mind to stir her from any funks threatening to descend.

Even when one remembers the thwarted dreams and ambitions, particularly that one is never going to be that child star of stage and screen, no longer adored nor understood, chiefly scorned as an adult, one no longer collapses in a heap or pours a tumbler full of voddie and orange over ice for one’s brekky juice. One leaps out of the old sackarooni to salute the sun humming "life, life is for living ".

Wednesday, 7 November 2007

Car, car, kaka

I did the "Knowledge" (hah!) at lunch hour and have just driven my first ever hour on the roads of the inner west; from Enmore to Lewisham via Marrickville.

I am so spaced out and wobbly. Did i just drive? That's an automatic motor for ya. It was rather fun at the time and I exclaimed so to instructor along with a few "Gordons" and "naughty driver" and one "shit". Instructor threw in quite a few "relax", "Keep your hands on the wheel!", you'll be fine, darling". I do find "darling" rather soothing no matter how close an oncoming vehicle appears to be approaching. I'm rather parched from my mouth being agape for so long.

Now i am just reeling; it's as though i dreamt the lesson.

I haven't got another lesson for a week so i guess i'll have to practise on the dodgems at Luna Park until then.

I would like to say that I need a nice watery whisky but i'm more in the mood for a large gin and tonic.

Monday, 5 November 2007

You are my rock

Ooh forget the fever in the funkhouse there’s heat in the economy which means that several interest rate rises are possible. It’s not a given, I’m just giving you a heads up that it may not be a be a win win situation for you aspirational hard working Australians, working mums and dads, hard working Australian families. So just watch this space.

Where have all the good men gone? (long time passing as Hesba Brinsmead used to sing.) I am so on the same page as those sexy successful singletons. Yeah I know - it’s tough there is a serious shortage of men. I mean seriously, they're either underage, married - yummy mummys blow, out and out homosexualiste, on the lam, or just not into you - go figure!

Still what doesn't kill ya only makes you stronger and it’s nothing that a good bit of retail therapy can’t fix, you feisty but feminine shopaholic.

I give you props.

I hear that there’s heat in the economy so spoil yourself and splurge on some sexy as, have to have strappy sandals, pamper yourself with a shot of botox and melanin, and pig out on a packet of Tim Tams and case of zero sugar cola - you're worth it, but girlfriend make sure you regurgitate, or you’ll never get a man.

Are we there yet? Not a problem.

Friday, 2 November 2007

Mistress Mitty

Ow. Mistress returned to work this week. It was A-OK, peachy and mellow; mistress works with some very nice cats and dudes. I have been very busy at work and play. Had a meeting that went on for half a day.

At times it got rather passionate and heated so rather entertaining but sometimes it was kind of long and rambling and dull like a group of musos jamming, so mistress would start daydreaming, which is not very sound when she is in charge of taking detailed notes. She was awoken from one reverie by hearing someone speak hesitantly, thought it was Godfrey from Dad’s Army so she sat upright and looked upon speaker with interest and wondered if it were just his voice’s timbre that he shared with Godfrey, and started thinking of Godfrey’s posh background and his sister, Cissy, and less tasteful matters Godfrian. That chain of thought was broken by someone uttering an impassioned cry of “it is what it is”, rather nonsensical in itself but it made me start thinking of Stella Street and a scene featuring the fabulous impression of Al Pacino talking to Les the Geordie gardner.

Meeting ended and I seem to have got the most salient points and added a bit of colour to it all. So a win win situation. I'm proud of myself and ought to be congratulated. Sorry, channelling Smug McSuck, aka your least favourite smug acquaintance, and no, not the mistress, I know all roads and whatnot but smug is one adjective you cannot apply, mistress comes over all teflon with that one.

And today is Friday and the mistress does not to want be at work. According to Dr Sputnik she’s suffering from "Post partying and peregrination pessimism", which is a sound diagnosis. I feel all Sticky Fingers Stonesy really when I should be all uptight and shocking 80's Let's work and Hang fire Thatcherite Stonesy. Hey, Mrs T started out as member for Dartford, don't ye know.

Not long now till Mr Weekend arrives, as Aerosmith belted out in the 80’s (track 12 –Aerosmith rarities – yes have been introduced to the joys of Limewire; does this journey on the Information Super Highway ever end, kids?), and I’m dining out tonight with Stefanie Powers and checking out Jonty’s new digs. Saturday am pottering around the mansions and swotting for the Driver Knowledge Test. Sunday I’m visiting the olds for lunch and some filial dooties - pater's broken down yet again on the I.S.H.; He had Limewired Flanders and Swann, Nina and Frederick, when he got onto Jabberjaw Sutherland and the computer went spare.

Top weekend to ya.