Wednesday, 24 May 2006

ideas above her station

Guess what, i'm better and you're hot, down, inner child, down, I did my walk from work to home in record time today. 45 minutes. 15 minutes off the usual. It's most surprisin'. I had an excellent run with the traffic lights. I didn't even work up a sweat, but boy did i perspire cos that is what we ladies do, never sweat, always perspire, well actually not even that. Perhaps am getting fitter.

Today i was introduced to a new joint where one can do lunch, as we all used to say, never actually manage to do , of course, in the late 80s early 90s. In the 21st century when you 'do' something you are of course having sex with it. Oh English how i do adore thee - vital, unyielding, fascinatingly feisty, vagabond temptress of a tongue.

The new club is a very cosy, quiet, and really charming establishment, does a wonderful toasted sanger and a nice house white, which led me to break my on again off again no boozin' during the working week policy.

I'd started the n.b.w.w. policy after too many nights lying awake worrying about possible liver, kidney and heart ailments. Blame sammy davis junior and his Why me or Yes I can autobiography. Sammy's vegas lifestyle of being up all night boozing, fagging, balling dames, Sammy's expression, and starting the day at 2 pm with a bourbon really took its toll on Mr Bojangles and he packed on the pounds particularly around his tum tum. Sammy went on a diet and managed to shed a few pounds but his pot belly remained. The doctor informed Sammy that it was his distended booze addled liver causing the bowling ball sized belly!!

Cautionary, dare i say salutary, tale or what!

Anyhoo, did manage to go without Mr Booze for four days and will have another two days off him this week, promise. Must say that the non quaff working week does wonders for my evenings and sleeping.

I've been getting the mundane domestic duties done and extra time for reading Kmart catalogues, cutting toe nails, updating my cv and other more exciting extra curricular activities like going out, on the tiles, staring at the ceiling waiting for life to begin, or watching big brother.

And I sleep like a top. However I did have a strange dream last night where I was a nanny to four children of a very famous superstar couple.

The competition for the position was very tough but i got the job because of my academic transcript! At first everyone thought i was a terrific nanny including myself. There was a montage of stills of me and the kids having lots of laughs and the olds indulgently looking on, laughing. My favourite montage featured my putting up one of those totem tennis pole games, and the kids and i having a ball. Then i was meant to be looking after the children and getting them ready for bed while their olds hosted a big whiz bang cocktail party. The next scene featured me at the party swilling golden chardonnay, with a distinctly creamy flavour, from an enormous glass, more brandy balloon than wine, that must have been the booze free four days , while mingling, cracking jokes and quoting lyrics of Bee Gees songs to other guests , remember that little trick next time you feel a bit of a poop at a party, people will lllap it up. Just as I was making another joke, i espied the wife of the superstar couple stomping down the stairs with one of the children, who had just hurt himself, in her arms . So i was in the big potage. I went to the mother's aid and was pathetically assisting her fluff up pillows and feigning concern, and about to get the sack when i woke up.

i was so rested though i didn't know what day it was or what i was meant to be doin', early stages of Korsakoff's syndrome? I eventually twigged that no, fortunately, i wasn't a nanny to some jetsetters and i did manage to get to my usual place of gainful employment.

Imagine my surprise this evening to read about Cate Blanchett not only comparing Brad Pitt to chocolate but also complaining about irresponsible nannies frolicking in the desert, with Pats and Eds?, instead of supervising their charges. And there but for the grace......Spookarama!

1 comment:

tom said...

Mary Poppins for popular people. Impeccable cv, double plus on the wine appreciation.