The carnival is over, Dickie B

As widely communicated in previous texts, telexes and telegrammes, the mistress experienced the most horrendous and scary (nb you there perched on your little green chair by the white plastic computer (please note in this instance computer is pronounced as in Mr Kotter - Kottair but sounded out to that rock steady crew tune) flight to Melbournia.

Fortunately the flight back to Sydney was fine and rather pleasant. On boarding DJ inane rave 90210 the Virg blue hostie advised that i was in the middle seat. I replied "swell" (a la Margot Channing I thought) to which Hostie quipped "Rock on" and gave me a thumbs up sign. "I wish i could be that cool", i thought and then remembered to say thanks while scratching my nose with my middle digit. Now that's rocknroll, sugar.

I was seated between two very nice women and a two year old. Two year old's mother appeared to be teaching daughter the present continuous tense as they looked through the round window and noted about the mistress " The lady is eating, the lady is drinking her tea, the lady is picking her....." . I am NOT a lady, goddammit.....

Fortunately they were not beside the mistress on the flight to Mel or they would have definitely seen her through the nervy b window "the lady is looking startled, the lady is twisting her fingers, the lady is crying, the lady is staring blankly at the safety instruction sheet, the lady is closing her eyes, the lady is having auditory hallucinations, the lady is worrying about her funeral, the lady is barking mad........."

A true confession (opposed to all those phoney ones) and all bad.

All I can wail is how would you have reacted?!! To be mid-air on flight DJ 858 Virgin Blue and witness some hosties racing down the aisle, lifting up the overhead luggage doors, visibly panicking and loudly puzzling about the whereabouts of a burning smell and asking passengers whether they'd left on their mobiles?!!

Yeah, I hear you, crying "don't even go there, girlfriend".

Incompetent Virgin buffoons. Get your laffs and giggles over and down with while on land please and get some good old fashioned common sense about you when airborne.

Fortunately it was just a "technical fault" and i'm still alive, loving the skin i'm in and well enough to have enjoyed Saturday's party and avoided Sunday's great debate for which i am truly grateful - thank you Idol.