The glad game

Admittedly leaf blowers are one of the most ridiculous and disgracefully wasteful gardening tools invented. You all know and think that – in fact I think we could conclude that it is a given as Kerry O’Brien repeatedly stated in his interview with the PM last week on the 7.30 report (the power of KathnKim what).I cannot for the life of me understand how Diana Bubbles Fisher supported the leaf blower machine on the Inventors, particularly with its rather utilitarian colour scheme – the only functional thing about the mother,leaf blowers not Bubbles.

Saturday just past was an exceptionally blowy day in Sydney – the type of wind to whip up school kiddies and murderers. I strolled down the road to purchase my newspaper wishing that the newsagent would just let me buy the Spectrum but remembering how she got annoyed with me when I left the other section wads last time – and while she is always polite, excessively so, I feel that a serial murderer or feverish poison pen letter writer lurks at her inner core waiting to be revealed by Alan Bennett, so she must not be crossed, when I passed the Anglican church and witnessed Reverend Philpot and four male seniors (grey power?) in the midst of a gardening frenzy.

Boughs were being felled, clivia uprooted and one senior was using a leaf blower with a fervour that’d make Paul the Apostle seem docile, let alone sane. Talk about a whirling dervish. There were leaves already blowin’ all over the joint without the good padre’s little helper pointing that ridiculously noisy and insensate nozzle everywhere. The prospect of heaving all them Saturday sections home and the frightful wind were already placing the Mistress in quite a fit of tetch but senior and his leaf blower formed the final bee in my bonnet.

And then my blasphemous thoughts and state of vexation were interrupted by a curious longing and need for a sugar dusted jam doughnut so I bought one from Victor’s Patisserie. It was duhlllishous.