tawdry and lame

is the only way i can describe this year's idol and that opening performance for the AFL on Saturday.

I was lying on my beautiful couch, it is a goddamn work of art, and no, it is not a Salvador Dali lips sofa, it's a set of Stonesy lips, natch, because i am a rocking chick, thoroughly enjoying gone with the wind on channel 9, marvelling at Vivien Leigh's beauty, doing a beauty ranking exercise - Viv 'versing' Liz Taylor, in between itemising the contents of my Glomesh bag, when i received an sms from fjg alerting me to the top ten Idol contestants performing on Channel 10's broadcast of the AFL.

Gordon was i appalled to see that talentless top ten wailing waltzing matilda. When they weren't wailing they were doing those awful phoney soulful shrieks, like Dannii and Kylie did when performing sisters are doin' it for themselves on YTT. I hastily returned to gone with the wind but after several more utterances of "fiddledee" and visions of Scarlett heaving her bosom and languishing over the super poop that is Ashley Wilkes, i had to flick the remote for a further taste of tawdry. And nobody does that better than channel ten.

This time i was delighted to cast an eye upon the Young Divas hollering out some tune that i cannot recall. Oh kate deAraugo! How could i have voted for her last year, well i blame Marcia Hines's campaign for Emily. Kate deAraugo really is the female Johnny Farnham in vocal delivery, movement and appearance. Some trifecta.

Still which was more appalling the performance by the young and idol or the oldsters from countdown revival. It was kind of entertaining to hear Sean Kelly performing I hear motion. the last time i saw him he was playing toadfish rebecchi's father on neighbours. Oh and the time before that, well I was competing in Elwood Idol and he was adjudicating. Between you and me , he's no Evie Hayes.

The other artistes from the Countdown Revile were lame as, still at least they were being true to themselves as Marcia Hines would say. Marcia Hines is a pillar of sincerity, truth and wisdom. And man, i mean, girlfriend, when will i master the jive bunny talk?! has she got soul.

Little Brian Mannix used the occasion to rock out big time. What a sensation he was - bounding abooot the stage in his black lycra tights and midrif shirt emblazoned with Beatles, another great band. Unfortunately the Cardinal's grandson didn't treat us to 50 years or how do you get your kicks. Bummer.

John Paul Young, that's Squeak to you and Molly, belted out "yesterday's hewo". A curious choice. If you were about to play in a grand final how would you feel hearing that: inspired or defeated.

It was godawful and utterly cringemaking but somewhat compelling.

Which of course brings me to Idol 2006.

Who will win this year's idol? Jessica? Idol had seemed rather promising earlier on but now it's rather bad. The choice and performance of songs are even worse than last year.

But hey, i am being kind of negative, and therefore untrue to myself. So please remember to love the skin you're in because if you take the L out of lover it's over. Right on, Marcia.