True confessions from the bog log

This year has been the first year that I have watched almost all of Big Brother. I’m not even going to pretend that I am ashamed - am so tired of portraying myself as high brow, also completely pointless as you all know I’m as base as, well, Big Brother. However, I would just like to say that I have never watched the up late version, clearly still can’t quite shake the high brow yearnings, it’s good to be aspirational, but it's probably due to my being such a straight edged prude.

Admittedly I did temporarily stop watching BB after the scandal as I felt sick and kind of culpable. The BB moratorium only lasted a week; the Prime Minister's wanting it banned justified my return.

A few of this year’s housemates (HMs as Gretel says) resemble minor celebs which tickles me no end.

David looks a lot like Princess Stephanie.

Camilla appears to be Joan Collins as Alexis Carrington with a dash of Debra Messing.

And the loathsome John looks a lot like Phyllis Diller. I’m sorry to insult Phyllis Diller but there you go.

The fashion and style of the HMs was quite a drawcard for me. What a household of hotties. Most of the men parade bare-chested and with low slung baggy trou displaying underpants or just unadulterated crack, and as for the ridiculous accoutrements worn by Jamie, wide, cloth hair bands and Burberry sweat bands that look like bandages, give us an H O T. The women display so much cleavage that Gretel Killeen now always covers her décolletage and appears comparatively Victorian.

The HMs would sagely observe that it’s not just looks that make a great package, personality is equally important, so I have of course been riveted by their conversations, expressions, and general use of language, it is a living thing, after all, and fascinatingly vibrant in that house.

I guess during her brief stint as an intruder Perry was my favourite – she was so overbearing and spoke utter nonsense. Perry played the role of Jerri Blank in the big brother house. Perry is 39, the other house mates are in their twenties, and a reformed boozer and smoker, and a mother. She gave up fags and anti d's before entering the house which combined with living in the Big Brother House must have been horrific. Perhaps she thought it would enhance her BB experience. Her announcing to BB and her housemates that she was constipated, about to get her period and wanted a cigarette was particularly endearing. The other HMs were gob smacked and tried to be supportive, they didn’t even snigger. I really enjoyed how she generally started every sentence with Can I just tell you something, her version of Jerri Blank's I've got something to say, and would finish with You are who you are. I loved those expressions and her self actualisation mantras, you have to love yourself before somebody can love you, so much that I would read the bb diary webpage to savour her key catchcries. Perry has a great future promoting laundry powder on television, perhaps doing those buyer’s choice segments, or being an agony aunt on the Mike Walsh Show.

Have also enjoyed the the frequent utterances of "you treat me as though i'm insuperior", malapropisms such as " inconsolable differences", the stagy tears, hand wringing, holding of head in hands, cushions being flung testily and Gretel's abbreviation of nominate and nomination to nom. But most of all I enjoyed banging on and texting my friends about it.

And, no, emphatic shaking and tilting of head, my viewing enjoyment was not derived from outright mockery and a need to feel superior. I find BB really interesting from a like sociological perspective for I am a people person. Could sit on the steps of Town Hall and just watch the passing parade all day - people, people, people.